Of all the things that rob me in this life...fear is the one that is the cruelest. It robs me of things that aren't even here yet or things that aren't even real. It paralizes me...it lies to me...it torments me...
I hate fear! I hate it more than anything that I can think of. It makes me look ahead and think the worst. It robs me of life's simple pleasures. It makes me see my glass as half empty instead of half full. It alters my paths because it projects a terrible outcome. God!!! I hate fear!!
Why am I so afraid? When did I first learn about this fear? Well, probably as a child something bad happened to me and it made me feel really bad, so I started worrying that that bad feeling would return in some shape or form. I don't like to feel bad so I began to fear that that feeling would return.
But I know when fear really set in. I know when it became my master. It was when I first was told that if I didn't do a certain thing that God would torture me forever...Fear didn't set in right away. It wasn't until I believed that what I had been told was true that it gained its power. "Do this and you'll be fine...do that and you will burn in hell." I was told this by someone who I loved and respected. I was young...I believed them. At the point, all of my decisions became fear based. It was no longer about growing as a person...it was about keeping my ass out of the flames. Talk about stunting a person's growth!!! Life, at that point, became about doing the right things so that that place that I feared, more than anything, would be avoided.
With the fear of hell nothing more than a silly belief in the past...I am finally beginning to grow as a person. And now that the ultimate fear in life is gone...hell...I am learning to conquer other fears. Here are a few...
Fear of being hurt
Fear of messing up my kids
Fear of being poor
Fear of growing old alone
Fear of being disabled
Fear of not pleasing people
Fear of wasting my life
Fear of getting in over my head
Fear of becoming a drunk
Fear of becoming a slut
Fear of becoming a Jehovah's Witness (you may laugh...but it really has been a fear...not just them but any wacky religious group)
Fear of getting ugly
Fear of going bald (again...really has been a fear)
Fear of failing at life (who decides that one?)
I hate fear!!!! At least a burgler steals real stuff...your TV, computer, money, car. Fear on the other hand is much more devious...it robs you of things that aren't even there and tortures you in the process!!! God!!! I hate fear!!!